happy sesaaaaaaaaaaangat!

Usually, 'll start my post w quote. But this time, 'll end this post w the quote.

This post is partly for my darling Ain. Or her friends call her, Farah or In. She has been w me for the past 16 plus years that 'll lived till now. People said we looked too alike to be cousins and some even insists that we are sisters and we are denying it. But no, we are really really cousins. Eventhough she's older, 'm taller and built bigger than her. But still, we're the same age. We have the same taste in almost everything, every humans(especially boys) and well, anything. She gives me good advice and well, it's because she experienced much more things than me. I can confide to her about anything because she's my cousin who is as close as a Siamese twin could ever be close. We even worked w each other at the same company at the same time. But 've moved on, and she's still the coffeemaker that 'll always love.

Who's the girl, Ain?
This Ain i meant. Or Farah. Or In.
(:







Our C --- B --- T --- L days together,


Why is this post partly dedicated to her? Because she was one of my companions during last night's trip to Fico w the boys. No, make it my only girl companion(:

Saturday evening, headed to JP w Sysse to watch Hannah Montana(hehehe!), then headed home after buying some necessities. After which, doing nothing at home till I got a call from Yass and he asked to watch them play at Fico at midnight. &luckily Farah was there, so yes, I agreed.
The boys fetched me and then, Farah and off to Fico. They played for 2 hours then, sent me, Farah, In and his cousin back and I reached home at 4am.

Didn't sound interesting huh? Well, the inside story is. Hehehehehe.
That's why I am soooooo happy sesangat(sorry Cikgu for the bad malay!) today...still. :P

"I was already in too deep.
Because when I thought of him, of his voice, his hypnotic eyes.
I wanted nothing more than to be w him."

xoxo.

One of my darling Bbyg who is also my classmate for 5 years including right now :D
Lylylyly(!),
"I missxzxzxz you.
You are my roc,
I love to roc w you."
-JeSuisSyaf.

• 24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.

• 38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up. (Nabbbbbbbb! Read this! You know I know! Shhhhhh~)


• 40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

-From a random forum.

Hilarious ain't it? Haha.
Anyways, Jpa got 2nd for Netball Interclass!!!! Hehehehe, congratulations krg! :D.
Went down to school just now just to support them.
Joked about some of the opponent's team member was so hilarious(!)
Yass fell in love w the girl! Hahahaha! (Ambik kau ubat Yasser!)

Decided that I'll go for chinese lessons on Mon, Tues, Weds only. Will be skipping on Thurs and Friday. Hahaha, because there's Jpa's chalet and I don't want to miss Bbq Night! Hehehe.

Okay, 'm off right now for a quickie night escapade across the border w Ayah& Sysse(hehehe, quality timeeeeee.)

xoxo.

"One minute, it's love
And, suddenly, it's like a battlefield."
;Battlefield, Jordin Sparks.
-updated JeSuisSyaf.bs at 4.10pm.
I am starting to miss school's hectic schedule.
Besides the dates that I have put aside for some events, other than that, I am soooooo free.
So free that I, I, Syafiqa, actually did house chores like a true blue Indonesian (-.-), which reminds me that 'll be folding the clothes later.

&just when everybody's up, 'm down. Really deep down, you can barely dig me back up again unless everybody's down.
Because we can never be on the same page...ever.

xoxo.

happy still...

Bunny-ish teeth :B and chubby cheeksssss :O
"I think I prefer it this way(:
We are good the way we are,
not more not less,
just awesome.
(:"
-updated JeSuisSyaf.bs at 10.19pm.

I think 'm high right now. No, not because of drugs or redbull(which 'm craving for right now! :S) or caffeine for that matter.
It's......well......yup. One of those things where you don't know how to explain but it actually makes sense somehow or rather, in a girl's language(:

Anyways, I actually woke up early today despite this week being the last week of school; we-can-skipped-it-because-exams-are-over-week.
Initially, I planned to sleep till afternoon or something, but during the weekend, Yass invited me to the boys' soccer game.
Yes, to see the Paramedics/Nursing Boys is worth my morning by the way because their lame jokes still somehow gets to me and get this, I was not annoyed(which actually isn't surprising considering that I don't get annoyed easily).
Plus, Aiman and Tyra was there, so it's like double the worthiness(:P).

1)Meeting w the cousin tomorrow for a show.
Excited or what?! :D.

2)I am just only 16, barely 17.
&'m expected to make a decision which could make the chosen party happy and make the unchosen party sad.
Can I not choose? I don't want to hurt anyone so can you please stop asking this questions.
Maybe 'm a pessimist because of them.
Maybe I can't have a proper built r/s because of them.
Maybe I can't convince myself that this will work out because of them.
Maybe part of the reason why I choose to be careful about my r/s w any boys involved was because of them.
Maybe part of the reason why I always delay my answers is because of them.
See how much of their problems is affecting my daily normal teenager life!??!
So much for telling a teenager to live life to the fullest and not make adult decisions.

3)I miss having actual things to do w him.
Having actual quality time.
When I browse through his folders, I realised that I have no idea what the events are in those pictures.
I realised that I had miss out on a lot of things that happened in this life.
Partly maybe because we are of opposite sex and it's hard to talk about a teen girl's life to her own father.
Maybe because of the recent events that had occur including my school, my social life and his work, we have no more actual time to go out and do things together like, painstakingly following him to go fishing in the middle of the ocean, rollerblading, driving lessons, late night escapade across the border or even watch him repair the car.
I miss this simplest things.
I miss spending quality time w him.
I miss Ayah.

xoxo.

lucky..

"I miss Rauf& 'm having a crush on Boy 2."
- updated JeSuisSyaf.bs at 11.07pm.

Today officially starts my one month school holiday! Hehe. So excited! :P.

Planned to skip chinese lesson during the holidays w Sasha but have to confirm w her first :P.
Anyways, found out which hospital that 'm going to be at after school reopen!!!!!!! Was v pleased w the posting since it's WAS my first choice! Hehehehe, so darn excited for it :P.
Haven't got the shift yet though, and 'm not in the same ward as Nab or Sysse! ):
Still, I have to practice my skills for the C.P during the holidays to pass it.

Going to miss the Jpa people since we're not gg to see each other for 4 months since all of us are spread to different hospitals ):
Luckily, there's the class chalet during the holidays. We can bring a friend during Bbq Night, so I asked Rauf already. Seeeee whether he'll be free to follow me or not. *crossing finger he would* hehe.

So lets see, during my holidays since I don't have any assignments or projects, I'll.....

• Watch countless dvds to kill time.
• Wake up late after sleeping after Subuh.
• Eat eat eat.
• Go out and waste parents' money.
• Sleep sleep sleep.
• Shower at a time when all the morning shift workers are about to go home.
• Reflecting.

Hehehehe...so darn exciting! :P.
Prolly if I am not lazy, 'll make a trip down to Video Ezy to rent movies that either makes me cry/laugh/scared(okay no, scared is a no no)!!!!!!!! Weeeeee~

//
I miss Boy 2 also. I want that i-know-we-can-never-be-together-but-still-enjoy-eachother's-company-like-we-are-together-somehow-in-a-different-world to still occur.

//
I love The Hills Finale! KC is the bombbbbbbb! Love LC but too bad, she wants to leave reality tv ):

Time to see what's on the telly. Hopefully I won't gain any weight during the holidays :P.

xoxo.

NOT AS WE PLANNED.

"Should I tell you that I miss you? That I am so used to your presence that I can't adapt when you're not around? Things are just not what it was planned to be now, is it?

But I miss the other one also. I don't miss you as much as last time right now, but whenever I meet you, butterflies in my stomach kept forming and yes, my heart beats faster than ever whenever I see you. When I hear your heart beats as calm as ever, it sends all sorts of signal to me till I feel all giggly and tingly.

So who?"
- updated JeSuisSyaf.bs at 3.09am.

Was conferencing w 5 people on the phone just now,
it was all so fun except for the part where we discussed about something.
It's too serious that I couldn't even bare to imagine what would happen in the future..

Things are now not as smooth as it was supposed to be.
I messed up, I got greedy, I got unfair and finally I deserved this.

"What is actually the definition of a man?"
"Big Ego."
"They are not Syaf! I mean I'm a man or boy if you called me that but woman have much more ego as big as a hippo. Or is it because of the guys you knew and they turned out crappy, you've decided that all men have huge egos?"
"No, I've lived and learnt...so for now, men have huge egos."
"Well girls OR woman are temperamental."
"So is the guys.."
"...."

;You asked me what is the definition. &you're disagreeing? Then next time don't ask. Pfft.


I can't adapt to this. I can't be the one who you'll resort to as a last resort. No, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking to the other you.
My eyes are about to shut tight...yet I can't bring myself to sleep w/o waking up at least 10mins each half an hour to check if you would text or took the initiative to call me.
No, this time it is not the caffeine or redbull's fault. It's yours.
I guess I have to let this go, don't be such a pessimist but......well....we'll see.

:/

It's all good.

"'m still good, 'm still fine.

But what's life without a little drama? Just a teensy drama(wouldn't call it drama, but hell it sounds so suspense-y! :P) but it's all good and back to the ol' times."
- updated JeSuisSyaf.bs at 9.27pm.

Some of the bunch,
Going back to Yc on Friday night was the best decision 've made so far! ;).
It made me realized how much I loved high school when I saw the teachers, juniors and the performing arts group(obviously malay dance) performing that day.
I wanted to almost cry when I saw a particular boy performing that night because he reminded me sososososo much like C.B.
No, everything is good between both of us, just that the resemblance was so uncanny that I feel that I was looking at C.B instead of the boy(:

I hugged the 3 other girls when I met them up. First was obviously, Wanie because I met her first. Then, Iqah& the failed attempt to hug Tyra -.- Haha, still I did! Heh. Love the girls so much. Orgasmic(sp?) feeling after meeting them, hehehe so excited la!

Everyone's so different in a way already when I saw them that night. Malay Dance was theeeee bomb okay!(being biased right now, but wth, I was from it what!) Hehe.

After Syf Gala, went to SB Macs for supper! Catch up a lil bit, hehe. But Tyra, Wanie& Iqah left early. So it's Yass and the Bcube boys who actually joined us early just now. Walked back w the boys but I took the bus soon later and reached home at almost 1am. Hehehehe.

Saturday:
Some of the bunch
Went to school in the morning w Nab for Nursing Studies lesson.
Ms Choo was kind enough to give us questions that was not in the previous years' exam papers.
Hopefully, it'll help me w the revision.
After class finished at almost 1pm, the girls(Sasha, Maj, Nab& myself) went to the toilet to fix our makeup for the outing and the boys painstakingly waited almost half an hour for us to finish outside school. Hehehe.
Then we(Sasha, Nab, Maj, Iqbal, Yass, Rab(Baby), Fad, Dzul& myself) went to Tanah Merah to take the train to Marina to eat there first.
Went off w/o Iqbal after that since he got a date w Mira. Hehe.
Headed to Zara, Topman& Fourskin first since Sasha wanted to get a leather jacket for her bf, searched and searched but to no avail.

Ate at Ljs next and Fahmy and Min joined us later. Bought takeaways Din also, and headed up to underground to meet Din.
Left underground at about 3pm i think, then studied at Esplanade Library(which was the original plan but it took a lot of time to get to the original plan which we finally did). Heh.
In the library, all studied Nursing Studies and Raudha/Stef& Syu joined us also. Then we left the library at almost 7pm and took 960 to Bugis. Stef had to leave after that.
We headed at Haji Lane for Mosi Cafe to sheesha there. My virgin sheesha puff that is, that night. Hehehehe.
Played games to lighten up the atmosphere and everyone was having a blast at that point of time. Had to leave at 9.30pm since Ibu reminded me in the morning not to go home late like the night before.
Went to Bugis station w Fad, Nab, Fahmy& Din and trained back home. Reached home by 11pm. Bathed/ Watched tv and slept early.


Life Right Now:
'm still the same Syaf btw. Only trying to change to be a lady meaning no more swearing and instead use polite but angry words. Get it? No? Nevermind.
I have to change since it's for the best.
Because I think 'm falling head over heels for him again.
(:(
Good or bad?
...........
'm starting to be smitten when I see him even just a glance..
That's how much I think I love you.
But it's interesting that I can't seem to tell you that I love you. It's interesting how you are always the one that 'll still choose now matter how many guys 've got to know. It's interesting when I say "i'll move on" but in the end, it always revert back to you. It's interesting that 'll always think of what to say to you to make sure I don't make a fool of myself infront of you though you have already seen my candid moments. It's interesting that your little gestures still makes me feel all tingly and happy jumpy little girl. It's interesting that I can't count how many times 've cry and giggle excitedly for you. It's interesting that I always think of you whenever I see my junior. It's interesting that you find me funny at times when I know my jokes are always lame. It's interesting that I still do not know the real reason to why I still fall for you eventhough I can never know when and whether you'll love me back. Buttttt, it will be more interesting if only you knew my blog and read this and straight away text me and tell me you love me too. It will be more interesting if you knew about this feeling that I have kept from you for you for a long time.
(:(


Exam is tomorrow& wednesday.
Hep B jab is on this coming week.
Napfa test is on this coming week also.
Posting results is on this coming week also.
Clearing of lockers is on this coming week also.
Idris's 17th/ Nadrah's 17th/ Sysse's 18th is on this coming week also.
Chinese Lesson is on 3rd week of June.
JP0904A Chalet is on 3rd week of June also.

So many events! Okay, since 'll be busy to update, 'll do an advance shoutout to them.
JUNE 1st; Happy 17th Idris! :)
JUNE 1st; Happy 17th Nadrah Rozman! :)
JUNE 3rd; Happy 18th Ainni Subhi! :)


xoxo.

I can't wait for June/July holiday to commence! Hehehe.
Chinese Lesson/Chalet/Holiday/Friends!

Now,
Life is good.
Life is just great.
Everyone that's involved in it is all so great.
But there's one thing that's not so great.
You.

two worlds apart..

Firstly,
Happy Belated 18th to the v Dearest Nad!
Sorry I couldn't update last night, I went back home late. Hehe.
Love you girlfriend,
Muacksmuacks, xoxo!

----------------------------

I had to wake up early for school on Saturday for a walkathon, which was actually optional but if you did attend, you'll get 3 cip hours which is considered good for an hour walk.
Anws, met up w the usual two and reached school at 7.40 and went to report at the field. Everyone was v cheery and happy because the walk seemed fun w the class being united eventhough only almost half of the class attended the event.

After the walk, went to Cafe 1 and discussed some things w CA and the other classmates.
Then Sha, Nab and myself changed into our home clothes and left school at 10am.
Took 31 to Tampines Interchange and Sha left to meet her boyfriend.
So it was left w Nab, the boys and myself.

Walked to a multi-purpose hall at Tampines at 11am and the boys started playing takraw while Nab& Myself entertained each other w taking pictures or looked at the boys play.
Baby injured his toe while playing takraw but he still want to play -.- Luckily after awhile, his toe is fine(:
Nab had to leave at around almost 2pm to go to her cousin's house at Tampines and Yass sent her to the bus stop.

I wasn't that bored actually after Nab left because luckily Peter& Min was not playing at that point of time.
The boys continued playing till 3pm and they started to change and we left at 4pm.
Bid goodbye to Peter& Fad since they're walking home while the rest took bus or the train.
Then, bid goodbye to Dzul& Iqbal and the rest took the train back; Din left somewhere before lavender and Baby left at Jurong East )':

Min, Yass& myself dropped at Boon Lay where we met Ain. Then we headed to Banquet to have our brunchner(breakfast/lunch/dinner). Syam, Azri joined us later, and we went to Golden Village to purchase 8 tickets for NATM 2.
Then we went to Coffeebean. Bought drinks and chatted around to pass time for our movie to start. Ian, Nizam, Sol& Ierfan then came. Had to buy 2 more tickets for the other two.
Movie started at 9.35pm, and it ended at around 11.40pm. Left them at 12.20am and took 240 back home.
Met up w Rauf for a while and reached home at 1.30am like that. Bathed and slept afterwards.

Presenting, my other baby..
Hehehe.
&you all thought that I have a boyfriend.
Haha.
Finally I got to meet her yesterday after walkathon.
Love you babyg, xoxo.
------------------------------------------

At school on a Saturday for a Walkathon,

Look at Baby at the v right, the boy wearing the brown bermudas,
v v cute! Hehehe.

After the walk,




Changed into home clothings,


The ever so charming Peter,

At night, meeting the B-Cubes at Jurong Point,

----------------------------

I have always been there, it's just that you didn't took the initiative to search for the one who have always got your back w whatever that you choose to do.
I felt bad and wanted to cry when 've let you down.
Your smell still lingers somewhere around me right before, now& after.
Why must ego always overtake your feelings?
Please put your ego aside and let whatever you're feeling out.
I want to see you do you, not you do what people want you to do.

xoxo.

i'm yours..

Best version ever. Jason should have sang alone; love his 'live' rendition.

School is very tiring btw.
I was so tired that I got fed up during the last few lessons just now.
But everything's good now.

Few days ago, I asked two friends of mine this question.
"Do I look like an arrogant person if I don't smile at strangers and instead stare?"
Both of them replied (w/o any hesitation), "Yes."
So I asked another question, "Am I temperamental?"
Both of them again said, "No."
But the other one added that, "You look like the one who won't get angry easily but when you do, you'll be really mean and just blast everything off. But hopefully that day won't come."
That just left me thinking that if anyone annoys me a lot, means that the person might as well have a one way ticket to hell because 'll stop being a lady and start cursing you from top to bottom(like minahrep like that...yes, that bad.)

Btw, Kris ftw yeah! I mean, Adam's good but he's all theatrical. :/ Anyway, different people have different opinions la so that's my opinion.

We had swimming for Sport and Wellness lesson on Tuesday.
The teacher(who looks like a student) is sooooo darn cute. :DDDDD.
I have to attend the swimming lessons because I can't swim.
Hahahaha; so bad that I don't even know how to float. Hehe.
But it's all fun! (:

On Thurs, had Sport and Wellness also.
Managed to do 17 pullups in a minute, though need to improve more..
Ran 2 rounds around field; One w Nabilah, then the other alone. Felt ever so light after the run.
Did I mention that Rugby boys are sooooo cute? Heh. Saw them during our free time at S&W. Such a suckers for rugby boys, not those who are really buff or abang abang body la. But mediocre size. Heh.

Oral toilet practical was also fun!
Hehe, Nabilah was my partner (macam biaser jugak).
Feeling ever so fresh like that after the practical. Hahaha.

Headphone guy is soooo cute.
He smiled a lot this week at me whenever he sees me.
Bob(Min :D) said that he smiled because he was friendly, but I refused to believe it. Lol.

After school just now, thought of meeting Rauf but I know he'll be busy so the idea was redundant by that minute.

Can't wait for tomorrow! I get to see my baby, miss the person sooo much. No one can replace my that person! Heeeee~






xoxo.

I can't let go.
I tried to for at least 3 times,
but I can't.
I miss you C.B.

Bring it back..

Check them out. Such such nice voices, adding to it is that it's my current replay song in my phone every morning(:

Found this in my photobucket.

Such good fun memories,
was during Secondary Four and the rebellion streaks came out already; wasting toilet papers.
-Hair clipped halfway, skirt above knee, socks masih maintain waaay above ankle. HAHA.
As you can see, 'm going for the nerd cool look in school during my Secondary 4 in school.
(:
Love love love it.

On the other note, not everything that 'm feeling/thinking are all happy thoughts.
I think 'm going mental.
I kept thinking of wanting to chop things/people and killing.
I kept disturbing people and I think 'm starting to annoy them.
I may look happy but 'm really really not.
Just sad, no idea why. But just sad.

I kept thinking why I choose to be like that.
Quiet when 'm angry, crying on the inside when 'm hurt.
It's just me I guess.

Father kept telling me that my lower half of my legs have grown as big as an elephant's thigh.
(I know he's exaggerating but I can't help but think, that yeah...I am getting fat.)
Am I getting back to my diet and choose to not care about my haemoglobin rate? Yes.

To that boy,
Je Semblable à Vous& Je Manque Vous Beaucoup(:

xoxo.

Love is like a battlefield.

I MISS BBYGS SO MUCH SIA.

I MISS BBYBS ALSO.
Yes Faez, you also, though you can be a pain in the butt sometimes.
I MISS C.B ALSO!
Obviously I can't put his picture here, because what's a secret love if you revealed everything in just a post?

Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.
Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.
Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.
Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.
Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.Imypplsovmuch.
Imypplsovmuch.

Mind goes on a trip..

I am tired, I need some rest.
Phase Test 2 tomorrow, need to wake up early ON a Saturday.
zzzzzz.

So far, school has been great. Classmates and practical made it all fun.
The teachers are getting more strict, and 've got my Ezlink card already; my face is alright.
Tests are coming up again, so 'm not sure when 'm going to update again.

Did I mention I passed my Phase Test 1? Yes, thankfully.
LLA is by far the best subject ever.
Have to complete my resume and cover letter by the weekend.
Have to rewrite my notes by the weekend.
Have to alter my pants by the weekend.
So many things to do, so little time.




Goodnight readers. 'm off to bed now. xo.

I knew it from the beginning that it WAS just bad.
Don't be such a control freak.
Maybe you're used to be the one wearing the pants in your previous relationships but don't drag me to be one of your victims.
First impression counts BTW, too bad, you failed yours and 'm judging you as quick as I can eat my sushi.

I don't usually wear the pants in the relationship, but 've come to realize that not being the one wearing the pants in the relationship isn't such a great role.
You'll just get dragged around by the one wearing the pants. 'm really sorry but nice to have known you.

Anyways, I hate the weather in the east every morning. Yes, the morning Mr Sun is good for you but the heat always keeps me sweating like a tap that can't be sealed. 'll start sweating when 've not reached school yet, when lessons haven't starts, when 've not greeted the teacher in the morning. By then, 'll just pray that I don't smell bad.

Nursing Theory and Practical is coming up. Have to start studying for it already.
1) Love doing nursing practical, so exciting.
2) Have to do a resume for my lifeskills homework.
3) I love my life right now.
4) I love the gorgeous boy.

xoxo.

Is chivalry really dead? I still am waiting for a romantic knight in a shining armor.
I know there's no perfect man in this wholeeeee wide world, so it'll take a couple more years for me to start dating again and search for the one that's perfect for me.
Again, why rush?

Was browsing through youtube and this is cute.


"I have a secret. I was watching you first."

;).

*Had a mini celebration for the birthday girl during lunch today. 10 Chicken Rice from Cafe 2 takeaways& headed up to the table at level 3. Sang a birthday song, cutted the cake, took pictures, ate our lunches and cake and went back to lesson. Gave the birthday girl a hug.

**Happy 17th Dear Majidah!(:

It was never this hard to make a decision.
I have no idea whether 'll change or not after making this decision.
I do but I don't want to.
I won't but I need to.
Get what I mean?
It's all so complex and tricky.

I could be played or I could be loved.
I could be hurt or again, I could be loved.
Played/Hurt against the obvious Loved.

Why are their egos so high?
Can't they just lower down their ego just this once, to please others?
Why must they think of themselves only? Like they are the most important gem ever.
I'm having a big headache just thinking about this.

:\