NOT AS WE PLANNED.

"Should I tell you that I miss you? That I am so used to your presence that I can't adapt when you're not around? Things are just not what it was planned to be now, is it?

But I miss the other one also. I don't miss you as much as last time right now, but whenever I meet you, butterflies in my stomach kept forming and yes, my heart beats faster than ever whenever I see you. When I hear your heart beats as calm as ever, it sends all sorts of signal to me till I feel all giggly and tingly.

So who?"
- updated JeSuisSyaf.bs at 3.09am.

Was conferencing w 5 people on the phone just now,
it was all so fun except for the part where we discussed about something.
It's too serious that I couldn't even bare to imagine what would happen in the future..

Things are now not as smooth as it was supposed to be.
I messed up, I got greedy, I got unfair and finally I deserved this.

"What is actually the definition of a man?"
"Big Ego."
"They are not Syaf! I mean I'm a man or boy if you called me that but woman have much more ego as big as a hippo. Or is it because of the guys you knew and they turned out crappy, you've decided that all men have huge egos?"
"No, I've lived and learnt...so for now, men have huge egos."
"Well girls OR woman are temperamental."
"So is the guys.."
"...."

;You asked me what is the definition. &you're disagreeing? Then next time don't ask. Pfft.


I can't adapt to this. I can't be the one who you'll resort to as a last resort. No, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking to the other you.
My eyes are about to shut tight...yet I can't bring myself to sleep w/o waking up at least 10mins each half an hour to check if you would text or took the initiative to call me.
No, this time it is not the caffeine or redbull's fault. It's yours.
I guess I have to let this go, don't be such a pessimist but......well....we'll see.

:/

I thought being skinny or average size means having lots of advantages....but no. Talk about being really sad at that point of time.

Shopped w Kakak& Ibu on Sunday at Wisma, and Kakak& I tried on these two v pretty dress. It's like free size and all of you readers know that Kakak is way bigger than me and 'm definitely smaller than her. But we managed to slot these 2 dresses into each of us. The dresses were small enough for me to fit, so yeah, I thought it'll look good on me more. But to my disappointment, both dresses doesn't fit me well& it somehow looked too loosed, but it fits the sysse perfectly. I was like.....o.O It's soooo pretty but if I don't look good in it, it definitely defeats the purpose of buying it right? So I didn't, but Kakak did ): I felt sad at that time, because free sizes suck! It makes me look like a little girl in an adult dress.

Should I eat more, eat less or eat well then!? Grrrrrrrrrr.

Pills& Runs, here I come again.

xoxo.

I became emotional. I became untouchable. I don't feel excited anymore. I don't feel that sense of happiness anymore. It was gone after I read it. There was no way that I could get it back anymore. I became the guy in this relationship. I feel like I've got more balls than you. You are still unsure of this situation, whereas I've been the sure one. Be a man.

Stop being so indirect, it's rather irritating. Stop giving me signals/hints/flirt shits. Be a man. Be direct. Show me that you have the guts to do so, tell me what's your deal. I can't wait no more. I've been too nice and far too patience. Be a fucking man. It's an on/off relationship. I want to know your beef. What's w the hold up? What's w the one day? What's w the some day? Is this a game to you? Because damn, if so, I would want to drop out from it.

Every profile of yours stated that love is fuck, if so, you're the fucker. Yes, I'm using vulgar towards you. You made your love, fucked up. You may have all that smooth moves and those lines that may sound sweet and makes you go aww at first, but actually sounds cheesy in the end, but you don't really understand the basic about love now, do you? Now, everyone,, lets all together chant ''Fuck Love!''. Because then, that's fucked up ain't it? I don't know if I'm supposed to be happy or sad anymore. I don't even understand what that means anymore. I'm glad I'm going away soon. Away from all this. Just when I thought that 2009 is going to be great, but it's too early to say that right :/ I really really miss you suddenly, but the way you asked me that question, it was like a smack to my face and told me really wake up and realised that this is not a fairytale where this Cinderella gets her happy ending. Whenever I think about it, it's rather sad that I have to create a smirk on my face and say "That's life!", when people asked me if I was waiting too long or he was just too slow to catch up or that I'm missing the best things in life when all I did was focus on that tall, charming& gentleman human being. It's not like he swept me off my feet when we met but......well it actually was that he DID swept me off my feet, literally. Personally, I'll admit that I can't forget you and I do like you. Yes, I admit, that I, Nurul Syafiqa Binte Subhi has fallen head over heels w __________________!!!!!! But I can't seem to actually tell him this. I need a hug right now! No no, not from C.B. From my friends or anyone but him! I want to go out, I need some fresh air. This house is too full of sadness. I want to go out w my friends now! I need you guys right now. I need to tell you guys something. 2009 is a good year for a change! I need that right now.

But please, don't take away my Express-O crew.
don't take away my interest in dancing.
don't take away my family.
don't tale away charming boy.
don't take them.

I miss my old family.
I miss my express-o crew.
I miss Nur Farahin Bte Amran.
I miss my grueling dance practices.
I miss Rauf.
I miss the lepak boys.
I miss my Ycss friends.
I miss my old dance mates.
I miss Rauf.
I miss the running around the canals.
I miss being punished.
I miss being late.
I miss being a performer.
I miss Rauf.
I miss my relatives.
I miss my social life.
I miss going back late at night.
I miss sneaking out in the wee hours in the morning to lepak w C.B.
I miss going to Johore w Ayah& Kakak for late night suppers.
I miss buying gums for you.
I miss the butterflies in the stomach whenever I want to meet you.
I miss Rauf.

&&&& I love heart to heart convos w my Babyg, A.

A: Don't you think it's too long already?
Me: I know it is, butttttttttt idk eh.
A: Personally, I can't wait for a guy that long seyyy.
Me: (laughs)Well, that's life I guess.
Me: But I just want to know my position w him!!!!!!!!!!!
A: You should find out la.

It was something like that la btw. To A, i love you okay. We are similar in a way, y'knw ;). Isn't that why people think we are twins? (:

xoxo.

dtothepress,

I know what you're thinking.
This is too early in the morning to blog, butttttt I can't really sleep well due to my hair.
Not that it was giving me problems.

But I was actually too sad about the lost of my locks.
Major ADOOOOOOOOOO~
Now how?
Extensions?
Wait for it to grow?
WHAT WHAT WHAT?

See la...itchy hand sampai buat bende drastic.
-_______-

Now now, don't tell me 'm crying right now?
Omg, for a boy or my hair?
Pfft.

've never been this upset about my hair since last year.
Nor for a boy either.
I don't have any more confidence to go out w this kind of hair.
Don't ask me out.
Don't call me.
Don't text me.
I only want to go out when 'm in a good state and figure out how can I look great w this kind of short hair.
Don't get me wrong, I love the perm/curls but I hate the length. TOOK ME AT LEAST 5 MONTHS TO LET IT GROW TILL AFTER MY SHOUDLER.
Now, 'm like a boy w boobs. A short boy.
I can't face anyone anymore.
I will cry if you say anything about my hair,
because THIS, by far, was the regret of my life.
No point crying over it, I know.
It's over.

p/s, alah you make me so darn confuse laa boy. tak nak layan cakap aje laaaaaaaaaaaa.

Bye ah.

Peektures W Details,

Hello Readers(:

Currently, I'm feeling soo lethargic and sick. Eek..flu, phlegm, cough& sore throat.

Haiyyoooo~

Okay, as promised. My Aunt's Wedding Pictures. But later. For now, I shall elaborate more w the event.

Friday night:
At around 9pm, Kakak, Ayah& Myself headed to Aunt's house to help with the potpourri's' and also the signboards. Went down to look at the decos, and helped vacuum the places and put the carpets also. Left the place and went home at 1am.

Saturday:
Woke up at 9am, and left home at 11am, and went to Aunt's house. Headed up to Bibik Masni's house and bring out all the items to be exchanged w the male side. Then headed down to under the block for the nikah session. After everything ended at 1pm, left the place.

Reached home and relax till about 4.30pm. Then changed to black coloured clothings and left home for Aunt's Wedding Dinner. Helped out for a while then, the event started at 8pm. Since the wedding dinner is mostly for Bibik and Uncle Rizal's working colleagues, instead of helping out, I hang out w the male cousins. Boy were they crappy. We crapped about O's, Ite, Poly, Dyed Hair& Satay(inside joke). Hahahaha, funny maaynnn.

Anws, after the event ended at around 9pm, the cousins ate together. Then Ayah joined us to eat. We left the place at about 12am. Headed home, and bath then sleep.

Sunday:
Woke up at 9am and ironed the clothings. This time, the family was asked to wear any shade of red coloured clothings. Headed out at 10.30am, and reached Bibik's place at 11am. Then, went up to assist with the items. Then, Kakak& myself were appointed to be the kendarats but in the end, I did it myself with a distant relative of mine. -_______- Then, the real deal started at 2pm, when the male side came then I was perspire like waterfall, and etc. Blah blah blah blah...Ibu's Side of the family came, ate and left and blah blah blah. Sorry,,too lazy to elaborate more. Isshkk... Then, this and that.

.......

.................

.............................


...............


Left the place at 6pm and went home. Bath at around 7.45pm, and texted Andre(not in Ycss Andre), and met up w Rauf for a while and back home by 11pm. Slept at 2am and my legs were hurting since I wore my 4 inch heels and stand throughout the Persandingan. Adoooo~ (copying Yass. ;D.)

Here are the pictures(:
Enjoy and all aren't edited, so pardon if my face is ugly.

p/s, captions are above on each picture if available.

Friday Night Preparations,








The Nikah Platform,



Saturday Morning,
Nikah Day.
Male Side Exchanges,



Bibik Wahidah,
Kakak& Safuan,

Uncle Rizal& Tok Kadi(sp?)
Them w Grandpapi,




Yay! Officially Husband& Wife,



Ibu& Wak (something. Heh. Forgot her name.)
Cute kan datuk aku? Hoho,

Sisters w the bride,


Saturday Night,
Wedding Dinner.

Ni due posing tak perlu,
Ayah& Paman,


Bibik& Yayi,





Theme for family during Wedding Dinner: Black or White Colour Clothings,

Sneak Preview of the Aftermath of the wedding dinner,
Cousins w Kakak& Ayah.


Sunday Morning,
Persandingan,

Pretty Bibik,


Kompang Boys,

Theme for family during Persandingan: Any shade of Red colour clothings,
(Some go against the rule. ^ ^)



Believe me, this two boys are only 15, but taller than me eventhough I wore my 4 inch heels already. D:< Myself(Buruk, i know.)& Ibu.



Emotional Day,


Gg to the Male Side,

Final Dressing,

Monday:
Woke up at a whoopy 11am, and received a call from Yass. -_______- Adoooo~(Hahahaha!)

Bathed at 1pm, and changed and went out at 2pm. Met up with the Express-O at last cabin as usual. This time, IM NOT LATE! Woo~ Heh. And this time, the Express-O that could make it was, Tyra, Amirul, Iqah, Kumar, Shak, Sulaiman, Yass& Myself. ): Not complete siaaaaaa. Haiyyoo~

Anws, went to Causeway Point and intend to watch Four Christmases actually,,, but somehow it diverts to us watching Quarantine but Tyra couldn't cause she ain't 16 yet sooooo Ami decided to accompany her and then there were 6. But they didn't left laaaaa, we met up w them after the movie. Ate at Banquet and went to Arcade. Played three kiddy games(hahahaha!) and left Causeway Point to where? HOME! Well... not really. Heh. We took 187 from Woodlands and bloody hell, the 187 bus aircon sucks likes your mother's ass maynnnnn. Hahaha, padahal aku suggest naik 187. Hahahaha! ^ ^

Bid goodbye to the Jurong West Extension kiddos who is Shak and Sulaiman, then alighted at Lakeside. Went to Jurong Greens and lepaked with Yass, Tyra, Ami, Kumar& Iqah. Shortly after, Kumar left w Iqah, then there were 4. Ami played Pocket Pool in my psp to unlock the soft porn pictures -_______- ,Tyra and Yass made music videos and I played along. Huhu(: At 10pm, Ami& Tyra left and Hisyam came. Ayah picked me up at 10.10pm, and went to MacDs to buy takeaway food for my growling stomach. Heh ;). Then, went home, ate my dinner/supper, then at 12am, went to Johor w Ayah. Reached home at 3am, bath and slept at 5am.

Pictures for Monday's Incomplete Express-O Crew outing.
Non-editted pictures though,
p/s, captions are below/above each pictures if available.


Lobang Hidungku sexy!

























Spot someone else in the picture(!) and I give you a kiss :D.









Grow hair grow~





Yass's Camwhoring Moments,



& His Obsession with Nabilah,


"Hello! Aku Yasser dan Aku syg Matair AKU! Woo~"

-________________-





Okay done! Took me 2 frigging hours to do this okay! I'm gg to eat, then bath. Heh.

I'm half happy& half sad still. :\

Byeeeeeee~

xoxo.