"Due to the overwhelming number of applications received, we regret to inform that your DAE application is unsuccessful."

Obviously 'm super disappointed w this result. But luckily my Ite course is another course that 'm interested in. The main computer had crashed again. So 'm on Mum's laptop. This weekend will be a busy busy busy week.

I still want some darn inspirations
&security.

I need some inspiration.
& a little hope would be great too.
Can't believe confiding in someone could be so complicated.

defeated..

've said that 'll be away but not for long i guess...

've bought my new uniforms already meaning 'll be on my way to Ite-College-East instead of Rp. Fret not, 'm still interested in my Ite course..so I don't really mind. 4E3 2008 gathering will be held in a few hours time so 'm pretty excited for it. Did I mention that I saw tinggi recently at the mrt..yes, I was actually expecting him to call me a hobbit already, soooo it's like not surprising but yes, it's nice to see him again. Hello Tinggi!(:

Okay so this upcoming rant is all about my life. If you don't want to read long rambling Nana's kind of rant, I suggests you better leave now. Thank you.

Between the period that I was away from the blog sphere, 've learnt and discover a lot about myself meaning I did some soul searching and found that I have something to improve about myself. Me being pessimistic. I always somehow or rather, find nothing good enough about myself, having low self esteem, before or after anyone criticised me directly or indirectly. 'll get really worked up, mentally especially. If you ask about me physically, obviously it's a yes. I never was trained to be negative but that just the way I am. I kept on asking myself what was it that made me so negative and pessimistic. What incident that made me so fragile and tend to cry so easily over a small critic by anyone. When anyone says 'm fat or looked different(read:more chubbier/granny flabby arms), I immediately agreed and stopped eating by that second. I know that critics especially from my sister is meant to just piss me off or whateverherintentionsare, but her little dissing at me made such a huge impact on me that made me cry over it. It's this little darn details that made me realised that life has no happy ending. It's like there's no free dinner because in the end, somebody expects something back or you don't get nothing even if they say it's sincerely from the bottom of their hearts. No 'm not talking about anyone but generally there is a little part of you that will obviously love the starting of a brand new place/person/thing, but it doesn't seem to end in a way that you expect it to be which is very frustrating and in the end, something will hit you on the head and give you a wake up call to stop your act and go back to darn reality. That's mentality to you.

My mum insisted that I look average/okay meaning not fat or thin. Just right. But I over think about this situation and realised that I don't want to be okay, I want to be thin. I don't want to be berisi, I want to be thin. I don't want people to see me as a girl who is just right, it makes me feel fat. I was confused about people's opinion and over think again..so I asked a friend who happens to see things in a boy's opinion and he said that there is no difference between berisi/mampat/average because everything still equals to being fat. There's only fat or skinny in reality so that's the only thing in my mind. From there on, I realised that friends/family who said I was just right or berisi or okay was just lying to make sure I don't do anything drastic to be skinny. Apart from doing regular yoga, sit ups and push ups, I became a bulimic. I don't get why anyone called it an eating disorder because in my part, it seemed normal. Mum threatened to bring me to the hospital to see a psychiatrist if I were to continue being bulimic and obviously I think that was stupid, so I'll have my meals when she's not at home and keep doing it whenver she's out working. I don't see myself as being stupid to be bulimic but I know that a few who, after reading this will be like bullshitting to me but I don't care. At least 'm telling the truth.

've come to a point in my life where nothing matters except for me to succeed in life. I don't expect anymore happy endings in my life anymore, I declined myself to venture out of my comfort zone. I wasn't as sociable as I used to be. I expect better out of those people around me. I expect high expectations from my friends and family. I don't get it how anyone could break the rules but still feel like they did right. Don't they get that the point of rules is to obey them not break them. What's worst is that they don't know that 'm worried about them but they just ignored my advices and 'll admit 'm the last person that you'll want to go to seek advice from but the effort that 've put to care for you is too much that you're too thick-skinned to even notice it. You think that just because I know about your thing, and I just shrugged it off, you can rubbed it in even further till to a point where 'm very disgusted and hearing that just goes to show that I should never judge a book by its cover. Yet after all this had happened, surprisingly they've not learnt their lesson. Yes it's your life, get cocky about it. But don't go to the extent of being potrayed as a arrogant person. Because by then, I won't even admit that I have anything to do w you.

I AM STILL ALIVE.

Will be away again for idontknowhowmanydays.
Look up at my facebook for recent events that had already happened.
(read: pictures/videos that people had tagged me.)

xo.

"I will be happy." -the only quote that I will say to myself every time I get up from sleep every single day.

Maybe it had already reached my breaking point, that's why this time I don't really feel remorse about it. Maybe I realised that fourth time isn't a charm anymore or that nothing IS a charm when it has got to do w him...except for his charm. Sooner or later, it will be over hopefully. Mehhh.

Anyways, got up pretty early today....at 1pm. Usually it's 2 or 3pm. Hahahaha. Dad wanted to go to polyclinic to look up about his leg injury, so I decided to be a good daughter and practically bath and dressed nicely to accompany dad to the polyclinic. I was like, v good y'know. I actually registered for his queue number, bought for his health bars for pre-lunch, water and such. Hahahaha, maybe cause' I was in a good mood and pity dad for his swollen leg. If only I had my driving license, 'll be driving the car already but 1 more year onlyyyyy :D. Anyways, after almost 3 hours being there, left for lunner(lunch/dinner) at Teh Tarik. Again, bought the food and drink for Dad. See...told ya I was being a good daughter! Heh. Dropped by Watson to buy my necessities, then homed.

Now, 'm superrrr full just for eating a granola bar& chicken porridge.
Got to redo my brows againnnnn, it's growingggggg :O.
zzzzzzzzz, bye.

Want to see smth that made me laugh my ass off when 'm supposed to be sad and all?
It totally cracked me uppppppppp(:


1










2












3














4











5









...
.................
...........................



TADAAAAA!

To be more embarrassing for them, from left(Myself, Atiqah, Nabilah& Hazwani).
Now what? Open new tab and go their blog to see the comparison la!
:D.

V kental nak mampos kan? Heh. I likeeeeee my hair to be letdown like that lehhhhhh! Cool or what? ^ ^
It was the season when exams are over, and we headed off to Jp for food session. Lol, kental lodeh mcm biscuit.
Okay, muke stop it eh sumer.

V kental right? Heh, but not that v kental right? Want smth more funny?
Y'all ain't ready for this! Like totally okay...
Prepare to laugh till you fall off your chair! HAHAHHAH.



1










2












3














4











5









...
.................
...........................



TADAAAAA!

To be more embarrassing for them, it's the same culprits!!!!!
From left clockwise(Atiqah, Myself, Nabilah& Hazwani).
Now what? Open new tab and go their blog to see the comparison la!
:D.

OMG! KENTALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL biscuit righttttttttt? :O! Haha, okay la I criticise myself only la. I know, v ugly.....heh. Maybe I thought that it was cool to pose like that whaat. Cool right? V pretty indeeedddddddd -.- OMG! HAHAHAHAHA, can't stop laughing laaaa.

What say you? Not kental enough? You want more? No la, till here only that I can post...I have loads more, but later my darling friends will feel embarrassed. So yes, till hereeeeee.

'm still kental as everrrrrrr(in a cool tone), bye.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

"If this isn't love tell me what it is, cause I could be dreaming and just plain crazy. If this isn't love tell me what is, cause I never felt like this. L-o-v-e what is to me?"

I know it's been almost a month since I last update this blog of mine.
It's quite long. Not v current, don't bother to read if you hate long random ramblings.

Erm, watched Slumdog Millionaire w myself and at the v last part when the guy& girl FINALLY reunites at the train station, when the guy kissed the girl's wound at her cheek, tears fall from my eyes. It was the most sweetest gesture ever even though the kiss was at the cheek. It instantly reminded me of me& you. It really did. &whenever I think about it, I was REALLY caught off-guard. I didn't expect it at all. I was obviously happy like fuck that I had stomach cramps and just have difficulty sleeping because of those two things(:

Less is definitely more. Actions do speak louder than words. Maybe I was just in a rush. You wanted to be sure that it felt right, and well in my part, it did. I miss you like fuck. I love you like fuck. What is love? Love is like fuck(:

I feel like 've changed during these few weeks. I became more reserved and don't really talk a lot like I always do, except for when 'm joking around. But yes, I don't feel that excited about life anymore. I wanted to give up during that 2 weeks period because I really miss him but what can I do? I need to do this to prove to myself to see whether I made a mistake by giving my whole soul for him. For the first week, it really hurts because I was almost out for the whole week and I actually saw him in his car driving out of the car park while I was on my way home. So when I told myself that I will stick to the plan, I abandoned the plan to look at him instead just looked down and crossed the road and pretended that I didn't notice him even though I was merely a few metres away from him. I knew he needed space so I didn't contact him because his exams are during the second week but I realised that I didn't wish him good luck on his exams so instead I just prayed for him and hopefully he could have felt that I actually did wished him good luck for his exams in a way. But during the weekend, I was a mess. I didn't do anything productive except for crying silently inside whenever I saw his car pass by. Has he ever thought of me whenever he saw my sister? Has he ever thought of me whenever he talks to my dad? I couldn't be anymore bored at all. I want to talk to my friend but I knew she couldn't offer anything else but sympathy only. I wanted to talk to my mum but I knew she somehow would tell me to expand my social life and not get so caught up w one guy. Same goes to my sister, she will tell me to mingle w other guys. Secretly I think my mum knew that I actually liked him because she kept on and on asking about him whenever we got a chance to go out as a mother/daughter outing. I only respond in lies. I couldn't bare to pour out everything because I don't want my mum to think that I'm so depressed about this. I totally feel like working instead rather than getting cooped up at home so that I would be too busy working and not thinking about him. But I managed to go out of the house in the middle of the night, to have my driving lessons w Dad& Kakak. That definitely helps me calm down and don't get too stressed out w my situation w him. At that point of time, I felt like calling him and telling him that I miss him but I don't want to. I was scared to. I was v bored, I just felt like calling him, wanting to meet him but he's having his exams. Anyways, it did helped a little that Dad, Kakak and myself went out on a night escapade right after driving lessons across the border. I've got to thank A for helping me w my situation a little bit. It somehow helps.

I could go on and on about this topic till my blog causes your computer to jam but no, my second to v last week shall be kept between me, myself& I.

'm happy at times but not everyday or always. Whenever I wake up in the...afternoon everyday, I realised that I have the tendency to want to sleep again because I want myself to dream of 9 letter-name boy but each time I went back to sleep, I didn't dream of him, instead I dreamt of somebody related to him. Not that I was being desperate or anything, but a little glimpse of him will do. But no such luck. I feel like 've been a letdown sometimes. Not directly, but indirectly. Not towards anyone, but towards myself. I made promises/agreements to myself, but in the end, I rebelled towards those promises/agreements that I myself made and vow. Is it just because I wasn't disciplined enough or was I just a weakling to begin w? I realised that in the first place, I shouldn't have made all this nonsenses and in the end, I hurt myself... real bad. I shouldn't blame anyone because they didn't knew that I made this vows/promises/agreements. But those who knew and watched me by the sidelines are probably always shaking their heads and telling among themselves that they think I shouldn't have done it. 've letdown myself, my friends& my cousin. They told me that they hated his ways and translated in malay, Drg tak suka kalau dia asyik buat aku seperti menunggu and menantikan sesuatu yang tidak akan menjadi. Dia selalu memberi aku isyarat tetapi aku tidak faham kalau itu betul-betul isyarat atau hanya pura-pura.
I didn't really understand why they told me to move on or that they hated him or that they think he was stupid enough to not realised that 've fallen for him, but now, maybe I do understand. 've waited and waited, but nothing happens. In the end, I got hurt mentally. I was never this hurt. I could eventually move on easily in the past, but it's like a spell that you've put on me that probably keeps me coming back to you. Back and forth, back and forth, it's still you. Should I listen to my friends& my cousin advice? Move on and never look back? At this point of time, I can't really say anything because I don't want to vow about anything anymore because I know I can never discipline myself to get back to vowing a matter. I think nature shall take its course and I know 'm in no control over my life except for making decisions.

Besides being quiet at times, I still do spend time w my family& the boys. Random meet ups are still the best. For almost the whole week, I spent some qt w my mum which was nice because I got to eat at the places where we thought of it randomly, and of course what's a mother/daughter qt without a little shopping? (:

've been maintaining my weight but 've definitely gain more fats to my cheeks and bodyyyyy. I am getting chubbier, and on top of that, it includes my baby fats from when I was still little. So now fats + baby fats = MEGAAAA CHUBBY! :S. But every night, 'll do sit ups, push ups& try to perfect my splits which is just a few inches away from its perfect split. Stupid back leg.

If you didn't know, 'm suffering from an eating disorder. The first letter from the word starts w a letter B and ends w an A. After this, you should know what 'm suffering from. Till now, no one knows about it, not even my cousin or sister or mother. I rather this context shall be kept as here and here only, so please don't go around telling others about this.

Anywayssss, many readers/friends/blogger/whoeveryouarelaeh have been asking me who the hell is 9 letter-name boy/bacin is. It's actuallyyyyyyy......the same as C.B/Charming Boy but I just changed it for the fun of it la! -.- So to clear things up, C.B/Charming Boy/Bacin/9 letter-name boy IS still the same oldddd guy who picked me up after Graduation Night. Stop asking already okay? Okay best.

Another random topic, Mother is getting agitated w my social life. I mean like, 'm the kind of person who knows when to have fun and when not to have fun. So when 'm having fun, she hates the idea of me being w the boys late at night. Then she'll go on out about w the relatives saying that 'm getting wilder and being more impious. Like it's not as if I go out everyday w them. Once in a while, and if 'm not going out, 'll be at home, folding clothes, cleaning my room, doing the dishes. So it's v irritating, and if no one picks up the home phone, she'll call my mobile and rants on about why I didn't inform her that I was out whereas it was merely just a trip to the store downstairs. Pfft.

During this MIA period, I kindaaaa was away from the blogging world only la, but not in reality...like duh. Have I changed? Yes, physically. I'm a black head right now. No more red/brown haired Syafiqa. Seriously. But 'm still a 152cm. Mentally? Sort of. Have I moved on? Trying to. Am I happy? Yes. Am I sad? Yes. So this means 'm still the sameeeee, only quieter. Yes, 'm not really that crazy like I used to be. Okay bye.

9 letter word- name w a space, hyphen and a apostrophe,
standing at 175cm,
killer smile and charm,
wtffffffffffffff(!), i miss you like Oprah's prediction that Chris Brown will hit Rihanna again,
Yes, i miss you thaaaat bad.
Argh.

xoxo.

Chalet was zzzzzzz....refreshing because I got to go out of the house and be happy w the sarcastic bunch of friends. No pictures were taken cause I wasn't in the mood to take pictures instead eat eat eat. I swear that the prawns were so nicely barbequed that I ate like 5 or 6 of them? I know, I know..fat. But it was a bbq chalet whaaaaat. Heh.

From the jokes to funny story-telling to seeing Zal acting as if he was drunk to eating the otahs/prawns/lambchops/chickenchops/chickens to drinking honeydews/root beers to seeing Sol dancing weirdly to the songs that the chalet next to us was blasting to playing of the xbox w Ian, Uzair& Farahin to laying down on the matress that was brought down from the 2nd storey at the front of the tv w everyone be it boy or girl to watch Final Destination 3 at total darkness to sighing at the sight of people sleeping after FD 3 finished to walking at the beach w Farahin, Ierfan, Min& Azri at almost 3am to randomly talk about any topic while sitting on the bench opposite the breezy sea to walking back to the chalet at 430am to quickly sleeping on a single bed w Farahin next to Murni& Izwan on the other single bed to waking up at 9am and still feel sleepy to bathing w Farahin at 10am to checking out at 1030am to eating brunch at Burger King Outlet w MacD meal to taking a one stop bus ride to Pasir Ris Interchange to taking the long train ride from Pasir Ris till Lakeside to alighting w the boys and saying goodbye to Farahin to bidding byes w the boys again to walking up the bridge w the green umbrella on my hand to going home to eating crackers to sleeping for 4 hours to waking up at 9pm to eating crackers w orange juice to surfing the net to blogging right now. Thanks to Ian for inviting me(:


xoxo.

I don't feel like 'm being myself right now.
Something's missing, something's not right.
This may sound cliche but I felt like my heart's like a puzzle.
&I feel like there's REALLY a missing piece.

I had fun w friends just now,
but something's just missing.
I was genuinely happy w them just now,
but SERIOUSLY something's missing.

I looked in the mirror in my room just now
&I have convinced myself that something's definitely missing in me today.
Inner or outer?
I have no idea but it's really missing.

I need to search for it, but how& where do I begin?
I hate to say this but I don't feel that excited anymore,
not even for the upcoming chalet on Saturday till Monday.
What's wrong w me?

--------

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh and I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last change to feel again

; Broken Strings By James Morrison Ft Nelly Furtado.

--------

Now, I really need you.
Where are you?
:\.

1) Min, Azri& Taufiq quit also. :O (Min's last day was last wed/Azri's gg to be on Sat/Taufiq's yst.)
2) Chalettttttttttttttttttttttttttt is on the weekend!!!!!!!!!
3) Ini bukan random: Saya sayang sama 9 letter-name boy.

Byeeeeeeeeee.
(obviously soooooo high right nw aft chatting w A about 9 letter-name boy.)
(kinda hungryyyyyyy but ate a lot already...)
(zzzzzzz...kinda sleepy too o.O)

To Tai Boon Seng,
I cannot type my company's name or else they will eventually trace out my blog.
But here's a picture of me, w my uniform and the company's name.
:D.
If you still cannot see, click it for a bigger view.
If you still cannot see, change your spectacles.
If you still cannot see, ask me personally in Msn la!
He he.
Cheap Labour you say?
.....
..........

Actually I also think, yes.
HAHAHA!

Okay bye!(:

I have to stop crying over little things.
I need to clarify but he's not responsive.
As much as I hate that, it's the littlest things that he do, that kept me coming back to him.

As of now, I'm no longer a c-b-t-l worker.

(:(

Yes, I purposely put 2 expressions there because 'm both elated yet sad because 'm not working w the awesome people anymore. My reasons is because of the pressurized environment& the manager. Anyways 've quit and am happy so no more worries about anything, except to find a new job right now. But no pressure, if 'll get a job, good for me. If not, never mind then. I'll just relax at home I think, but definitely make use of the free time. Like exercising, cleaning up the house/room/closet, throwing away my uniforms(Maybe yes, maybe no!?)& books. I realised that I have too much clothings right now. Time to give it away I guess. But I can't bare to part w my babies ):

Currently waiting for 9 letter word-name boy to text me to make sure he's home. But he texted earlier saying that his battery's running flat. -.- Bacin nyer bdk. Tak tau nak charge phone sebelum kluar. Grrrr~ So I have to wait till he reaches home, then he'll text me. Maynnnnnnn, so darn tired right now. But have to wait laaaaaaaaa :D.

Omg& just now, Taufiq called and asked if I was free to replace him later..but I quitted already ): Sorry Fiqqqqqqqqqq. ):

ANWS, prolly going out w Kakak& Kak Ida later in the afternoon to follow to Kak Ida's interview or else I'll die of boredom. Could be returning my uniforms, aprons& nametag too i think laaaaaaaa.

Alah, rinduuuuuuu 9 letter word-name boy la suddenly ): Cepat la text si bacin ni. I soooo ngantuk......... Grrrrrrrrrrr~

P/S, Currently Nsaes is a facebook addict and broke like hobo eating instant noodles' broke. HAHAHAHA.

xoxo.

I thought being skinny or average size means having lots of advantages....but no. Talk about being really sad at that point of time.

Shopped w Kakak& Ibu on Sunday at Wisma, and Kakak& I tried on these two v pretty dress. It's like free size and all of you readers know that Kakak is way bigger than me and 'm definitely smaller than her. But we managed to slot these 2 dresses into each of us. The dresses were small enough for me to fit, so yeah, I thought it'll look good on me more. But to my disappointment, both dresses doesn't fit me well& it somehow looked too loosed, but it fits the sysse perfectly. I was like.....o.O It's soooo pretty but if I don't look good in it, it definitely defeats the purpose of buying it right? So I didn't, but Kakak did ): I felt sad at that time, because free sizes suck! It makes me look like a little girl in an adult dress.

Should I eat more, eat less or eat well then!? Grrrrrrrrrr.

Pills& Runs, here I come again.

xoxo.

I am broke.
I am tired.
I am bored.
I am hungryyyyyyyyyy.
I am quiting my not-attractive-pay job.
I am joining retail soon.
I am only working for 3 days this week.
I hate my job's pay.
I hate my job.
I am just waiting for my FTQ to finish, then 'll quit.
I am getting chubbier than ever.
I realised that 'm getting big headed, like literally; not being stubborn but being big-headed!
I am happy that my hair's being happy nowadays.
I am excited that school's starting soon because 'm soooo bored right now.
I am excited for the DAE results, coming soon because I hope, insyallah, 'll get into either Civil Aviation or Technology and Arts Management; i really want to get in it! *prays literally*
I am going to eat instant noodles now. Bye.

To the boy with the 9 letter name with a space between it, I miss you.

xoxo.

♥

The rope is still tangled.
The rope is still attached.
The rope is still connected.
The rope is still our linkage to each other.
The rope is still our happy link.
The rope is still never a bad link.
The rope is still ever so strong and happy.
The rope is still equivalent to our happy times.
The rope is still representing our ship.

"Now I’m speechless
Over the edge
I’m just breathless
I never thought that I’d catch this
Lovebug again

Hopeless
Head over heels in the moment
I never thought that I’d get hit
By this lovebug again"

xoxo.

I feel soooo tired D: I feel like a selenge bacin today at work. I feel slow today at work. Maybe, because I had to reach work at 7am just now -.- Kaauuuuuu, sungguh penat aku ni.

Okay, 'm done working at The Sail....for now la. There's training tomorrow from 9am to 4.30pm -.- I want more attachment at other places so I can avoid VC! ^ ^ Somehow after sleeping for 2 hours just now after coming back from work, I still feel so tired. Oh, 'm on a night run training every now and then. Heh. Go school canal and run la! What else? Heh.

Till next time,
xoxo.

written partly on my heart,

(L) is for you.
Patience is a virtue,
lets make sure of that.

Locking my decision; pressing the green blinking button.
Not going to look back again.
Is it yes, is it no?
'll make sure that this part shall not be revealed. 'll make sure that no one's opinions will get into my head and change my whole decision. Whether it's either right or not, I will learn from the process by myself. I would be glad to listen to your advices but the decision is still in my hand. Whatever your advice are, be it good or bad, I'll still listen because I know you meant well. It's easy for you to tell me to move on and 'll be happy. It's easy for you to tell me that I will be glad that I move on before school's starts so that 'll mingle more. It's easy for you to say that he's a jerk and laugh at his bad qualities.

But somehow or rather, even if I didn't tell him, on the spot, right when you've started criticising about his name, looks& behaviour towards me, thinking that I don't mind(obviously I would say I won't mind), but actually I did. Somehow or rather,(call me a cry baby or a loser) I felt like crying and eventually I will but 'll quickly wipe my tears off because he's my friend. You may not respect him but please, just respect him as my friend if you were actually my true friend, or else, you'll lose respect that you've gained through the months& years from me.

'm just disappointed at times w you people. Just v disappointed w YOU people. You know who you are. Would you like it if I were to make fun of your name& compare it to a pet's sound? It's rude, and shows that you HAVE no etiquette at all. Not that 'm perfect or anything, but at least show some manners even if you think that 'm not the kind of person who deserved your utmost good behaviour and presence. Just show me that you can be the person that deserved my respect or else, 'll definitely walk away from you and never contact you again, because I don't want to be friends w people who doesn't deserve my respect.



A v lovely afternoon spent w the friends today, xoxoxoxoxoxoxo.
1) Please don't mind my chubby face.
2) Ate Tyra's homemade brownies& pastas.
3) Taboo-ed for 6 rounds, I think.
4) Played around w the rest.
5) Bus ride; partnered w A again(:

xoxo.

Undone,

Before anything, don't bother to read if you readers hate me blogging about CB because right now, I am.
If you've forgotten who's CB, it's Charming Boy.
Yes, 'm warning you first in case you actually hate him to be in my life.

If you've read my previous post, we got in contact again.
Told ya' he keeps coming back, better than ever, whenever 'm done w his games.
Friends thought 've moved on and was glad that I did because he was such a jerk, and I thought I did move on. But no. Apparently, absence makes the heart grow fonder. You're like an addictive drug, meaning I'm not able to get rid of this addiction. Rehab you say? Not everything can be solved w rehab. I know if I put my mind into it, then yes, I could..but seriously for now, no. It's like 've quote you in my heart as "always have and always will".

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. 'm afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too...but 'll never know because 'm too afraid to ask.

People so seldom say I love you, and if they do, then it's either too late or love goes. So when I tell you I love you, it doesn't mean I know you'll never go, only that I wish you didn't have to.

Right now, 'm saying these 3 words, 8 letters& 3 syllabus to you.

xoxo.

You, you& you.

How's my Valentine's Day, you were saying?(:

1)It started off as when I had to work from 1pm to 10.30pm. Mind you, I hate working on Saturdays. The crowd/ queues and what not are soooo outrageous. There's like no time to rest, and even if there was, we couldn't rest because our manager was there, and she was...... well, fucked up w our work. So from the period of 1pm to 10.30pm, I regret taking over Farahin's place and was v much not in the bad mood. Like Mama said, "Today, all smiles from the workers are fake." So much for V Day huh? I've always been calm physically even if I would be angry, but yesterday I almost blow up, mega because of my manager.

Trust me, she is messed uppppppppppppppppp.
"Syafiqa do EB!"
"Syafiqa do IB!"
"Syafiqa do Service!"
Slapping her was what I really almost wanted to do. Telling her off was what I really almost wanted to do. Right when I was about to do those two things, she suddenly starts being nice. Told you she's messed up. :S

After work, met up w Kakak& our cousin, Sufyan for a never-before-outing. Hahahaha, those two were even nice enough to wait for me for 1& a half hour because initially, I was supposed to finish at 9pm. Anwssss, changed into home clothings, and off we went to Marina for pool session for 2 hours. Kaaaay, so I lost. Expected pe. Kakak& Sufyan got draw, 4 each. After that, we walked to Clarke Quay for makannnnn at 3am. -.-" &I saw gays at the pubs there!!!!!!!! o.O

Went to walk around CQ again, passing by the clubs and seeing drunk people. Hahahahaha, and gosh the scene was so fucked up. 4am and there are so many people there. Walked to the bus stop near the Bungee Max thingy, and took a bus ride home. Reached home at 5.30am, and sleeeeeeep time!

Now I'm awake, not enough rest, and am going to go for training at 12pm w Kakak& Farahin, thank god Ayah is sending(:


2) Okay so my V Day wasn't really what I expect it to be..but I got to spend it w my cousin and sister so it's all good. xoxoxoxoxo.

3) At the same time, yesterday, I think we kind of..... rekindled the flame that was lost, managed to be in contact w CB againnnnnnn. :O (One part, YAY! The other part, HMMMM.)

4) Many exciting days to look forward to this coming week.
-Attachment at The Sail for Tuesday, Thursday& Friday! Yay, no need to see my fucked up manager!!!!!!! :D.
-Monday is SATA check up!
-Wednesday is Expresso Picnic! (my attendance is still under pending cause' Im not sure if Azri confirms want to replace.)

5)That's all I guess. Till next time,
xoxo.