Time Check: 3.45am.

I am not disciplined enough....exams is in 2 days.
I am always out.
Sheesha session w the boys and darling Farah just now :)
Watched a late night show; TWILIGHT NEW MOON W FARAH after the sheesha and lepak session! Hehehehe loveeee the intensityyyy~
Got back at 3am thanks to the dearest Ayah.

Later(in 7 hours time), will be out w dearies for a birthday surprise celebration! Hehehe I am so so so dead for not studying :(

Goodnight readers<3.
<3 the Nsboy banyakbanyakbanyak sampai tak kesah kalau melebih ke tak.
<3 just now's company.
<3 anyone who's reading this.

xo.

my sincerity.

I miss this boy so much& i'm so sorry I couldn't meet you last night :(
(oh yes this picture was purposely pixel because he doesn't like to reveal his identity and my eyes were all poofy and swollen.)
at least he won't get to see me in my worse state which is right now, right? :)
still <3 you okay! hahahahaha.

got to study got to study got to not procrastinate got to study! -.-

okay just got his text! got to go, bye readers. am going to study, or maybe go out first....then study. bye :)

what?

I didn't know today(since it's like 1am right now) is Hari Raya Haji.
No wonder Ibu's helping out at aunt's house.
No wonder everyone's like going back to their kampung.

Do I fill myself w joy upon this day?
No.
I guess I don't know how my day's going to fare w a new situation that is going to happen later.
I'm feeling neutral right now. That's all.
I need my old me.
&I need the old you.
I need you to realize that you had changed...to a badder you.
I can't rely on you anymore,
I can't confide in to you anymore.

What is? What is happening right now?

I feel happy for once.
I feel butterflies in my stomach for once.
I finally understand that I shouldn't be angry and sad about the problem.
I am moving on.
I am understanding the situation.
But will I talk about it? Doubt so. (That still needs some time).

Anw i have sooooo many bacin friends :P
Okay random okay bye okay nights okay dah la go bye.

its been 22 days..

Referring to the picture above, Gay Love<3>



Went out w my Pbl group (w/o Kumar) yesterday, to accumulate all the information for our final summary for the case study.
Grabbed lunch at Marina first, and off to Macs to do our project.
After an hour or so, went to Esplanade Library to continue w the project.
Nabby had to go after that so we sent her off to her platform and the rest of us went over to haji lane.
To what? Sheesha.(to release stress before exams, you may say? Haha.)

So yes, a friend of theirs joined in later, and we stayed there till about 9pm and off we went since P had to go. :(
Went over to grab supper(or dinner)(ps, getting fat already! :S) w I& D at Bugis and went homeeee by 11.
Wanted to meet the Ns Boy but I was shagged by then so had to cancel it :(
Still miss you okay!<3

That's about proper now isn't it? :)
Oh and yes, I went to NFC's match on Friday though it wasn't against The Germans but well, it was awesome, 6-1 I might add people! Hehehe.
Nursing boys of course :)
They grabbed their dinner at Rubina's while I just follow.
Back home by 11.
Wanted to meet Ns Boy(really!) but then again, shagged by then.
:((((((((((((((((
So sad right?

Okay now this is long enough. Takecare readers,
won't be around since revision week is here and I need to get my study on.
xo.

"Baby you're my everything.
You're all I ever wanted.
You can do it real big, bigger than you ever known.
You'll be up on everything."

Baby Rabbani is so so so so cuteeeeee! Hahaha,

twelve is zee best :P.

Anwwwww, just within this week so many things had happened. Just within one fucking(pardon my vulgarity)week.
I can't say much since the littlest things/news makes me happy and the biggest things/news just piss me off.
I need a new environment.
Stupid human nature.
Fuck you.

Still sick.
Still missing you.
Still going out tomorrow.
Still having 2 projects to do.
Still have to edit the video.
Still having no appetite.
But kind of hungryyyyyyy.
Still contradicting.
Still alone.
Still surviving?

Love her voice<3.

I need a fresher air to breathe.
I need a better environment to start afresh, to forget the past.
I am suffocating w this filthy contaminated air& environment.
I couldn't care less about what you want to do w your life now.
Why should i?

teen angst.

so where's the joy and happiness?
so where's the 'i hope we will stay united this way and no more fights?'
so where's your vows?
has it been broken?
if it has, then i officially have lost hope in school.
i am done.
i can't deal w the situation at home.
i can't deal w the situation at school.
i can't deal w the situation w everyone.
life is not = happiness.(fuck this)

if i am venting my anger towards you at any point of time, i am sorry.
i am just too mad at myself for not being able to fix anything and do anything right.
it always has to end at some point of time.
it could never last.
EVERYTHING could never last.

NO I AM NOT FUCKING OKAY SO STOP FUCKING ASK ME.

an illusion that I have in my heart

why do you always have to disappoint me?
if you choose to be that way, i won't stop you.
just so you know, i let you go because i love you.
till next time.
my heart's being more bulletproof this time round.
it still is.

Now that everyone has shown a little bit of concern, please make it sincere next time round instead of doing it just to be a kepo.
If you are already sincere enough, please stay and don't go away.
♥.

i still stand.

For once, I get what they were all trying to say.
I should get myself into an activity or something,
I need to distract myself from all this negative vibes.
It doesn't even help that I am sick.

I can't never forgive myself if I were to love a guy whole-heartedly immediately again just like I did w you.
I loved you.
I'm sorry, but then again, you should be the one who's sorry.
So i take it back, no, I'm not sorry.
I'm still strong.
bye love.

lost of hope

Thankyou Gfs for the surprise celebration ♥.
I love it, i really do.

This year, there's a lot of surprises for me.
But I am sick throughout the whole surprise celebrations.
Probably caused by stress or emotion such as sadness? (attended a stress management talk). Lol.

Had another surprise this time by the BabyGs :) Love it though most of us are tired by then.

Anw, deep down I am kind of(?) disappointed that you didn't take any initiative.
So what does this means?
:(
Most of the cards that I received or wishes that I received from friends and relatives told me to stop being sad and instead be happy, but how could I?
They don't know the truth& I can't tell the truth.
Someday you may find out, not now.

I am really really disappointed, why'd I even bother right?
I have proven myself that I can live w/o any man for the past 3 years so why should I rush, true?
Might as well take my time and get to know others out there as well.
Though I think I won't love them whole-heartedly till I know that they're sincere.
I can't help though but miss D :(
Worth my heart pain or not?
Maybe I need time but?

I'd promised myself that 'll look forward to school everyday but i don't know why it's taking such a huge toll on me.
I guess my sickness is getting worse.

amazed.

This card was from Sasha, Maj, Rab, Yass, Idah, Fiqah, Raudha, Nab& Stef.
Thankyou :)

This two boys who gave me the piglet(inside joke)& the fulscap paper-card thing.
-.-

Thank you to those who wished.
Like I said, especially JPA, Family, Gfs, Boys& BabyGs...and etc.
Whatever method you choose to reach me to wish me, doesn't matter as long as I know it's sincere :)

Being seventeen and the youngest in the class doesn't mean anything.
Yes you'll get attention on your day when your peers tell the teachers that it was your birthday and either you'll get a song or a wish or something else from them.
You may smile when they mention about you in class, obviously I did but it wasn't anything awesome.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate all your efforts for the 2 surprises i really do(love those who did it btw and i enjoyed it) but I don't need those unnecessary attention, i just need to lay low for now.

I've no mood for a celebration for my seventeen(to tell you the truth), because I am not okay.
I'm not okay. I'm serious. I'll let you know though when I am fine.

save me from myself

I will look forward to school tomorrow,
why not since school starts at 10am tomorrow? :)

I'm not okay to tell you the truth, but 'm calm for now.

Seventeen is just a number. It just means that 'm growing older and supposedly, 'm expected to be wiser.

Time will tell whether 'm becoming what people expect me to be after today's incident. :/

one of those nights

It's one of those nights where it's comfortable, cold and calm.
It's one of those nights where we all are able to sleep tightly and snuggle in our blankets.
It's also one of those nights where I'll sneak out just to meet the boy.
It's also one of those nights where we'll ask each other if we're cold and gave each other hugs to keep us warm.

But tonight, it's neither those four above.
Yes it's cold, but cruel cold.
I have no one to hug to because you're away right now.
I miss you.
Camp must have been tough on you, that's why I rather not bring your mood down by ranting all my worries to you.
This time, it's one of those nights when I can't sleep.
Maybe it's the anxiety since I know what is going to happen the next day.
I need you right now but I can't seem to tell you that.
So so cold, so in need of a companion.
So so insomniac, I need some sleeping pills. Anything, just to let me sleep peacefully.

Night. Not goodnight.

our own fun thing,

Phase Test is finally over :)
Can I get a hands up? hehehe.
I passed! But not sure how much though but I did realised my mistake so hopefully I wasn't going to be penalized that much.
Anw trying to upload Azri's 17th video on Facebook that will take almost 2 hours so why not I blog in the meantime right? :)

After phase test yesterday, walked back to Simei w the usuals and went home and took a bath.
Then headed out to Nab's house to do our PM 1 project's powerpoint slides.
It was 4pm when we realized that we were bored of doing the project at her house and decided to go town to do it and at the same time, get inspired by our topic.(ini part ade sikit mcm paham. actually saje nak kluar aje.)
Helped Nab picked out her clothing and took pictures w my laptop and then Nab bathed and we went out by 5pm and she fell down the little steps of stairs while chasing the bus. But i didn't chase it la i didn't even asked her to chase it but she did for i don't know what reason. Haha, BUT SHE ALLOWED ME TO POST THIS so yes. The fell gave her a blueblack lump on her feet and made her limp all the way to Marina. Haha.

Bused to Pioneer Mrt and alighted at City Hall and went to eat our dinner at Burger King. Then headed to Starbucks to do our project and love love love Chocolate Chip Cream! Get a size Venti w it, it's better and filling too :) hehe.
Did the project and took lots more pictures w the lappy and camera and went back. Nab was limping by then and it was so hilarious im sorry gf if I laughed so much at you. Haha. (still laughing right now actually)

Then trained back home since gf has a curfew to keep up w. Then I went home and at 11.30pm meet up w the dear NS boy. Awwww his hair all gone but its still cute. Haha. So nice to see him after a month of not seeing him. :) hehehehe. Ah then suddenly the boy went all playful, mean and naughty mode at the same time. Banyak punya perangai abang abang eh.

Maybe i was just paranoid la but thanks gf for reassuring me that it wasn't what I thought it would be. Heh. Love you& him.....apparently. :P

Okeh 175 pictures are up! Hahahaha enjoy pictures of Nab and me only. Got candid got ugly got pretty. :) Hehehehe.












































Both the 3 pictures below nak step korean act cute pose. Hahaha.

HAHAHAHA.
The picture below shows how fat i am. :(

At Starbuckeroos.


















































The picture below is a tribute to Fadh, Bani& Yass. Hahahaha.




Picture below, feeling feeling Pyan. Hehehe.
























































Below: Budak gemok pipi gemok = CUTE NAK MAMPOS. Argghhhhh i feel the urge to pinch his cheeks! Grrrr~






Okay that's all. Told you all it's a lot. :)
Goodnight :)

I loveeeeeee zeee boy, hehehe.