lost of hope

Thankyou Gfs for the surprise celebration ♥.
I love it, i really do.

This year, there's a lot of surprises for me.
But I am sick throughout the whole surprise celebrations.
Probably caused by stress or emotion such as sadness? (attended a stress management talk). Lol.

Had another surprise this time by the BabyGs :) Love it though most of us are tired by then.

Anw, deep down I am kind of(?) disappointed that you didn't take any initiative.
So what does this means?
:(
Most of the cards that I received or wishes that I received from friends and relatives told me to stop being sad and instead be happy, but how could I?
They don't know the truth& I can't tell the truth.
Someday you may find out, not now.

I am really really disappointed, why'd I even bother right?
I have proven myself that I can live w/o any man for the past 3 years so why should I rush, true?
Might as well take my time and get to know others out there as well.
Though I think I won't love them whole-heartedly till I know that they're sincere.
I can't help though but miss D :(
Worth my heart pain or not?
Maybe I need time but?

I'd promised myself that 'll look forward to school everyday but i don't know why it's taking such a huge toll on me.
I guess my sickness is getting worse.