what?

I didn't know today(since it's like 1am right now) is Hari Raya Haji.
No wonder Ibu's helping out at aunt's house.
No wonder everyone's like going back to their kampung.

Do I fill myself w joy upon this day?
No.
I guess I don't know how my day's going to fare w a new situation that is going to happen later.
I'm feeling neutral right now. That's all.
I need my old me.
&I need the old you.
I need you to realize that you had changed...to a badder you.
I can't rely on you anymore,
I can't confide in to you anymore.

What is? What is happening right now?